Below are the 7 most recent journal entries recorded in teletubycoconut's LiveJournal:

Monday, June 12th, 2006
2:19 pm	Drink up. Ya know. Its funny, somethings will never change, and some things, alot of things, change alot. I dont know how i got to be where i am right now, but i never would have figured this is where id end up. And i know that college changes people and that people gorw up and mature, but it seems like alot of people have become less mature as of late. Alot of things have changed since ive been home from school this past month, and its kind of scary. Ive done some sketchy things that maybe i shouldnt have, ive lost 2 of my apperent "best friend", and yet ive gained back some really good friendships that i lost over the years and made some new friends. Ive got a full time job, and still have no money, i got a new car to cruise around in (when i say new i mean that its new to me, not that its a brand new car), and i have to say that over all ive been enjoying myself, its jsut not where i thought id be, and not what i thought id be doing. Ive done things this past month i told myself that id never ever do, and that worst part is that i enjoyed it. i really did, and that kind of scares me because i know that i shouldnt, and i know i shouldnt start down this path, because it cant lead me to anywhere good. But here i go, not looking ahead and trying not to look back either. I cant see looking back to what was, because whatever there was, its just not here anymore. People change, and alot of them have changed for the worse. Now i say that i dont care, and for the most part its true, i have other friends and other things to do, and i dont need them, but regardless of all that, being stabbed in the back by two of your closest friends really fucking sucks. Esipcally when i didnt even do anything wrong. But i was never asked about it, it was just assumed that im a horrible person and that i fucked him over, when really, if hed just talked to me about it, none of this would have happened. It also really sucks when you get backstabbed by someone who isnt even involved in the fucking situation, and should have nothing to do with it. And what bothers me so much about that is all the shit ive done to help him the past few years, and i get shit on for a stupid misunderstanding between me and someone else. fucked up? yeah just a little bit. but you know what, if thats how much he cared about his "best friend" then im glad that i have nothing to do with him anymore because i have better freinds than that, and im glad im not wasting my time with someone who has that fucked up of an opinion of his best friend. And then theres the ex. I dont really know what to say about that. I dont want to say anything, i dont know waht to think or what to believe out of all the stories and shit that ive heard. But none of it is good and none of it makes me happy. I definitly didnt see this comming, but you know what, it doesnt matter, she may have ripped my heart out but i'll be whole again, and it wont have anything to do with her. its a shame, but shell see, and so will everyone else. but fuck this, fuck you all and fuck the negatives, because im not going to let some assholes ruin my summer. Since ive been home ive honestly had a ton of fun with a lot of awesome friends. Alot of friends who i havent seen or chilled with in a long time. Me and vinny have been best friends since the thrid grade, and somehow over our highschool years, we lost touch, but im glad we got it back because we chill all the time, and its just like the old days. I also started hangin with marc and zu again and even after all the shit that happened with me and them, its been pretty cool, and im glad i got some of my old friendships back, i had alot of fun with those guys, and i still do. And now onto even more rekindeled friendships... i started hanging out with jessee again. i havent seen her in probably almost 2 years, and we werent really talking either. and when i came home we started talking more and then one of those crazy nights she invited me over to her house to show me some really cool shit and to just chill and catch up. To be honest, it was really cool, i had an awesome time, and it wasnt awkward at all, there may have been unusual factors that made it less awkward, but thats not what matters. We had a good time and im glad i went. Ive also seen her a coupleof times since then and they've all been a good time. Its funny that after all this time, two people can still have that same connection. Ive been kind of wondering if this is a path i really should be taking, because we definitly had our rough spots, and when we werent friends, we really werent friends. But i honeslty dont care, weve both grown and changed, maybe for the better, and i really hope that we can become as close as we were, and i can gain another one of my good friends back. I didnt realize it until i saw her agian, but ive missed her. I was surprised, even her mom and dad seemed happy to see me again, which i wasnt expecting, considering what happened. i honestly didnt think id even be welcome there anymore, but i guess i am. i think this rant is over now, ive had enough, besides, im going to the movies ina few minutes anyway. So heres to the best summer of my life, to new friends and old ones. Heres to living life like tomorrow will never come. Current Mood: indifferent (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, February 3rd, 2006
2:39 pm	rant. Ode to the Nice Guys This rant was written for the Wharton Undergraduate Journal This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style. This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you. This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that. The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single. So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming. Fu-zu Jen, SEAS/WH, 2003 Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: Coldplay - Swallowed in the Sea (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 29th, 2006
3:30 pm	what the fuck SLUT. Current Mood: angry Current Music: Blink 182 - Dammit (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 11th, 2006
9:11 pm	dreams.. Wake me up when september ends. ...i'll never wake up from this nightmare. Current Mood: cold Current Music: Greenday - Wake Me Up When Spetember Ends (Comment on this)
Sunday, December 25th, 2005
11:11 pm	christmas well, i havent written in a few weeks. but its christmas today. and i have to say, i havent been this happy in a really long time. it seems like forever. i'll do christmas first. i got my new boarding boots, their fucking sick and i cant wait to ride them. which i'll be doing tomorrow, and for the rest of the week. we went to my aunts today to spend the day with the dads family. it was cool caz my uncle joe was there and i never see him caz he lives in effing korea. it was a nice day over all, and a decent christmas i suppose. but the big reason im so happy has been since i came home. i love it here. last time i was home i had some issues but theyve pretty much ended and any that havent, i dont care anymore. its been sooo much fun these past few days. i cant remember the last time i actually enjoyed going out and i was just happy. well i can. and it was in august. but this week was awesome. tuesday me and alex b and jono went for se-port..which right there made the day amazing. but after we went to the mall and met up with jackie and hil and mel. from there me and jackie and alex went back to my house and jono and mel and hil went home. so we had some dinner, then decided to go to the light show at jones beach. and thennnn melissa called me and wanted to hang out :) so we picked her up and drove with nick and his girl out to jones beach for the show. we spent 3 hours in the car but it was fun and cool, and we got our pic. taken with santa. he was creepy. then back to alexs for some coloring action inspiried by the free crayons. at about 12 melissa and jackie went home and me and alex chilled till like 2am. wendnesday im pretty sure jono came over at like 1 after he dorpped of mel and we hung out for a while till he had to go pick her up. and then me and melissa decided to go to the movies and see king kong, which was surprisingly good and then we took a trip to starbucks after. then she had to go home caz it was a school night so dan and jono came over and we played battlefront II until like 2am. it was sweet. thursday was another pretty interesting day. i worked with my dad all freaking day, but i made good money. then i got in a figh with my mom, and decided i wanted a krispy kreme doughnut. so i picked up melissa and we drove to riverhead for some hot fresh doughnuts. which were delicious and it was totally worth the trip. oh yeah, and i met her mom and her dog and her moms BF and they were all really nice! :) so then she had to go home agian caz of school sooooooo i went to dans house and hung out with him and jono and played NES till 12 when i went home. friday was the best day of all. i woke up at 12 and talked to jackie and found out we were all going to the city! so i got ready and then picked up melissa from school and then jackie and alex caem to get us and we went to the city. we were all starving when we got there so we went down to the village for some pizza..which was amazing, you cant beat NYC pizza. then we took the train back uptown to rockafeller center and swa the tree. then we got in line for about an hour so we could skate under it. it was once again worth the wait. it was sooo much fun. melissa fell over some little kid, and i laughed and then i almost fell..caz im stupid. then my foot hurt too much and they had to clean the ice so we stopped skating and decided to walk to the new abercrombie...but we got there at 8:00 and it was closed?! stupid assholes! so we walked up to the diesel store and looked around...then to times square and got hot dogs and then back to penn just in time for the 10:16 train. when we got back we went to alexs house to pee then we took his dads car and went to the witches brew. place is kick ass. they have such awesome stuff there. i was deadd tired by the time we got there and so was everyone else. then jak and alex got drugged up on caffene and got all hyper...me and melis just styaed tired and i fell asleep on the way home. it was such an amazing day. i love my best friend. alex is my effing hero. and i like melissa alot. we all had a great time. i cant wait to see them all again when i gt back from my trip. espically one of them :) but for now its 11:30 and i have to pack for tomorrow. this week is going to be fucking insane. 7 days of nothing but boarding. :D pz one! Current Mood: ecstatic Current Music: GlassJaw - Ape Mil Dos (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, December 5th, 2005
10:57 pm	blah blah. thats pretty much how i feel right now. i miss my old life. i miss my friends. i miss home. i thought that this would all be a good fun experience, but the truth is, its not. i mean, some things are good. but for the most part, id like to go back. i thought the drama in high school was bad. its nothing compared to what i have to put up with here. the bullshit is unbelieveable. i just want to go back to this summer. and stay there forever. it was perfect. i had all my best friends. i was in the best relationship. i was in love. i was happy. but i dont like doing this. i dont like dwelling on the past becasue nothing can bring it back. im trying to move on, and grow up, but im holding myself back. theres too much left unsaid and undone. theres too many loose ends. theres too much that should've been. and for some reason i cant let it go. this whole growing up thing isnt working for me. i know this is all stupid ranting and none of it really matters in the big picture, but right now, its weighing so heavily on my mind, and i cant get rid of it. not even when i sleep. i dream of the way thigns were and they way things shouldve gone. i jsut cant get away from it. the few times that i do, i see or hear things that bring it right back to me. im sick of it. i cant even get my work done. instead of doing one of the 5 papers i have due in the next week and a half, im sitting here typing this, because i cant think of anything else. i cant concentrate. bah. fucking hell. maybe you can help me I am looking for some one to dance with baby can't you help me you know I hate dancing by myself i hate being alone. its the worst feeling in the world. i hate not having anyone to call and talk to for hours. i have not having someone to go home to. i have not having someone to kiss and to hold and to call mine. i hate not having someone to love. im not as happy when im not in a relationship. i never have been. and it doesnt help that im holding onto a previous one in vain. not that i dont want to be friends and evrything. because i do. i love her. to death. id do anything for her. and i want to be close like we were. but part of me just wont let go of the relationship part. i know i have to. i even want to. but i havent been able to. but whatever. it'll come. it always does, when you least expect it to. when your not looking for it. and now i think im done with all this. so yeah. till next time... Current Mood: depressed Current Music: Coldplay - "What if" (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 27th, 2005
3:27 pm	none. im completely lost. i dont know what im doing. or where im going. or what i want. i have absolutely no clue. Current Mood: lonely Current Music: Coldplay - Fix You (Comment on this)